Proverbs 3 5 - 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not on your own understanding..In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
OK. So if you read my post from last year you will know the reason why I HATE Valentine's day. Yes I have never had a valentine. I have never had a boyfriend and I have never been in love. Valentine's day is when this hits me the most. I can do ALL holidays with out any problem even my birthday if no one ever remembers it, it doesn't brother me. Some of the BEST b-days I have had are the ones that I just spend time with myself. I will treat myself to whatever and never tell people its my b-day. If they don't remember I won't remind them because I make my own fun. This past Christmas I was working. Well the night before Christmas I didn't sleep all night because I was so excited about Christmas. We didn't do anything and didn't even do gifts. It was just because it was CHRISTMAS and well, I'm a big kid and just love it.
Well I can't say that about Valentine's day. Since I have never been a couple I have never had the chance to celebrate it. So if it's really no big deal once you do celebrate it with someone you love, I can't say. This is the ONLY day in the world that reminds me that I have never had someone care about me to celebrate that day. Even the guy I was going out with last year took another girl out on that day. He never called me or anything. The girl that he took out never celebrates that day because she doesn't care about it. Lucky her. Well she told him she was in love with someone else and he wouldn't leave her alone. He brought her candy on that day - which I found out she refused to take because she told him she was only there to play video games.
Well this didn't help me feel any better about this day. But I knew that he wouldn't take me because it would have meant something to me and would have meant nothing to him.
God knows how I have always wanted to have someone to love and someone that loves me. And last year was the first time ever in my life that I thought I have a Valentine! Yeah, guess not!
So here this awful day comes again and I am alone like ever other year, I as of today have no one who loves me in that way.
God's free will is the one thing that he will not cross and I have been desperately praying for God to make me never care about V-day again. Which I know and have heard from Him that this is not what He wants for me. I have prayed and say I know that this is not what you want but this is my will and the pain of that day is too great for me to EVER want to care about it again.
God's will is perfect and so much better than our own, but I know that I don't want to live with the pain of loneliness on the most romantic day of the year without having that someone that loves me.
To know that someone loves you and you love them.................That would be better than all the V-days could ever be.
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